Police Clash With Royal Wedding Crowd Following Big Screen Failure In Manchester

Chaotic scenes in Exchange Square today after the giant screen showing the Royal wedding failed. Over a hundred riot police were called into the square, alongside fifty mounted riot donkeys as fans pelted the screen with flaming bunting and bottles of Pims.

GMP’s DCI Colin Gashrash said: “While we except the screens failure was a problem, the way the Manchester public handled it was completely disgusting.”

Old ladies in Union Jack hats who’d started the day peacefully waving flags turned into expletive-hurling hooligans, demanding extreme retribution for the city’s failure.

Popular anti-royalist songs The Queen voted Brexit and God Don’t Save Her were chanted, as well as You’re Nothing Without Freddie Mercury.

Eyewitness claims children were thrown at the screen have yet to be verified.

For some, it brought back memories of the infamous Piccadilly Gardens riot in 2008 when eight hundred-thousand Celtic fans arrived at the giant screen to find their team’s football match replaced by an hour-long Coronation Street special.

Gashrash also blamed the legal high Spice for the disturbance. “The spice was packaged in a way that suggested it was official Royal Wedding merchandise. Imagine a crowd of well-wishing, royalists suddenly turned into hate-filled zombies. It wasn’t a pretty picture.”

Eyewitness claims children were thrown at the screen have yet to be verified.

Next customers were forced to seek shelter in the prosecco bar and the Arndale shopping centre closed its doors as fears the rioting would spread. Selfridges reported staff suffered the effects of the tear gas after police opened fire on the crowd.

“The police had to control them all somehow,” said Gloria Swampdonkey, an eyewitness to the violence. “Pearly kings and queens swore and exposed themselves. One Royal well-wisher was spiced out of his eyeballs slurring F**k the police!”

GMP also deployed specially trained falcons in a bid to quell the rising violence. Britain’s first ornithological police unit proved successful in thwarting a group of Royal Voluntary Service women attempting to roll a tram full of terrified passengers.

Barnaby Fannyleak, spokesperson for Buckingham Palace, said: “The Royal family condone any public unrest, and while it is only a small group, the Queen was shocked and appalled when informed. She trusts GMP will make significant arrests.”

The trouble also threw into doubt Meghan and Harry’s country-wide, open top bus parade passing through the city next month.

“We’ll be re-scheduling the tour route,” said Fannyleak. “We’ll be closely monitoring Manchester’s behaviour.”

 

 

 

Photo: http://www.wingsoverscotland.com

 

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