New Spinningfields S&M Themed Restaurant Is Whipping Up A Frenzy

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Thought to be Britain’s first S&M themed restaurant and Manchester’s best kept secret; Gag Ball opened its doors last night and left un-expecting, straight laced diners slightly red faced. But despite embarrassing the sort of Mancunians who like their eateries plain and simple, it received rave reviews not just from customers but also critics.

Clarence Skincheese, of dining magazine Greasetrap, wrote: “It is an experience to have your meat slapped at the table before it’s fed to you. Not a lot of diners would like to be handcuffed to their chairs and fed by a third party, but I loved every minute of it.”

Juice Farthound, reviewer for Fork It dining website, wrote: “Whilst ordering food proved problematic, as the waiter was clad entirely in PVC and spoke only through a zip; when my sautéed ducks arsehole arrived, it was an absolute delight.”

But who is behind Gag Ball?

Self-made millionaire Laura Turdlance, CEO and owner of Bitchfit, the Manchester based chain of female only gyms.

“I like to shock,” said Turdlance, earlier today. “Spinningfields has its fair share of upmarket bars and TV chef backed restaurants. We just wanted to go further and better. You know, spank some life into the area.”

“We just wanted to, you know, spank some life into the area.”

Joseph Rapescream, who’d taken his girlfriend as a surprise, said: “It was amazing. The food was excellent and the staff were really friendly. Even the décor, which I thought I’d have trouble adjusting too, wasn’t too in your face. The chairs were especially comfortable considering they were fashioned from barbed wire.”

Turdlance was quick to stress that while Gag Ball was an S&M restaurant, which keeps to its theme so closely the menus are etched on spank paddles, there was a strict dress code. “We want to attract the same clientele as the competition around Spinningfields, we are not allowing any leather or PVC.”

Unfortunately some people didn’t quite understand which led to police being called after reports a leather clad woman was seen leading a leashed man crawling on all fours through Deansgate.

As well as having already been awarded the highest hygiene certificate coupled with a waiting list for a table running into months; it seems there is no shortage of people hungry to eat chickens nipples whilst suspended from the ceiling in sex swings. Even celebrities like Mary Berry and Ant & Dec have expressed their desire to visit.

www.gagball.com for reservations.

 

 

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